Well, the good news is...

I wasn't sick for my birthday this year. That's a first. The bad news you ask? Being sick for Christmas! For the past few days I've had this tickle in the back of my throat. It made my voice sounds kinda funny in the mornings, but I was okay after I showered and got ready. This morning, though-- it never got better. I woke up with my eyes glued shut with goobers, my nose running and my voice completely hoarse. I DID go to work. I totally thought about calling in, but Jason convinced me it was worth a shot to go and try it out. I went, took an hour and a half worth of calls,then asked to go home. My voice and throat got worse and worse the more I forced it to talk. I came home to my wonderful husband, who brought me cafe rio and heated corn bags for me every hour. He was so good. Though I wasn't awake through most of it- I was just so wiped out I slept a lot of the day. Joy, joy.
Isn't it funny that when you feel the worst is when you have the most things to do? Tomorrow we're going out with Jason's family to dinner and to see Princess and the Frog. I was so looking forward to seeing it! I hope we can still go!!
At least I have most of my gifts wrapped and ready. Our first Christmas married! I can hardly believe it! Our tree is up and so cute (and so crowded in our tiny apartment)! We have a few little presents, nothing huge, but it's kinda nice to have a little something.
Our Bandit puppy got spoiled the most, I think! Funny how that works, uh? Our silly puppy has a cute little gray spot in the very middle of his back that's coming in darker and darker every day. Soon enough He'll have another spot! It seems like as he gets older he gets more spots! Now when we get him wet for his tubs he looks more like a Pongo than a Bandit! Ha ha ha!
Well, Merry Christmas everyone! I hope the week goes well for you and yours.

One year older and wiser, too...

Happy Birthday, to you! (My sweet and wonderful Jason, that is!) We had such a fun time! We got to have a party with Jason's family the day before he's actual birthday. We ate cake and shared stories. Jason got a new Cabella's jacket and lots of money! Okay, lots to me, anyway! It was fun to see and talk with everyone. Then I took off the day of his birthday so we could party just the two of us. He got to sleep in (the lucky duck!) but I had a final... or at least, so I thought! When I got there I found out they had moved it to Wednesday morning. So home again, home again lickedy split! I made Jason a bowl of cereal and brought it to him in bed. He laughed and laughed that I couldn't even make breakfast! But who can say no to cereal?? C'mon now, I know what pleases! After that we played some video games and got ready for the day. Nice and relaxed. Then we went to sell back our school books-- happy finals week!! We spent about 500.00 and got a little under 200.00 back. Whatever. It's nice to have a little bit! We went out to Olive Garden for lunch, because they have such WONDERFUL soup, salad and bread sticks! We got to just laugh and talk. Afterwards I even got Jason to do a bit of Christmas shopping with me! But after all that it was time to relax again. We need to have lots of time to relax, I decided!! So we rented a red box movie and chilled at home on the couch for a bit. Once our tummies started growling we got in touch with my parents and decided to go out to Dragon Hill. Yummy yummy Chinese food!! My sister Wendi even came, too. We all had fun trying to figure out how they got a carrot into the shape of a flower! My parents gave Jason a new Star Trek ornament for our tree! (Except... it doesn't really match my theme... maybe he'll have to get his own tree next year!) Since we're such night owls, after dinner we rented another red box and watched that until early morning hours. Such a great day!

It feels like we have so much to celebrate this time of year, Christmas and the joy that comes with it- birthdays and New Years to set new goals for ourselves. So much happiness.

Speaking of happiness... Jason and I have been married five months today. I can't even believe it! Sometimes it feels like we've just always been married. But then others I still wake up next to him and think, "When did I ever get so lucky?" It's fun to think this is the time of year I wanted to get married-- sometime before Christmas in December. Everything seems so much prettier with the lights and snow. And here I am, able to enjoy it with my honey! :) Ahhh....

Thanksgiving... with goals in mind

What a Thanksgiving! Jason and I had such a wonderful day, our first Thanksgiving has husband and wife!! We decided to spend odd numbered years at my family and even numbered years at his- so, 2009 was my family! We went up to Logan to my sisters house and had a great time. The food was wonderful (espesially the ham!) and the company was even better. Everyone watched the National Dog Show before dinner, commenting on how cute all the puppies were. Then there was lots of fun games to play after dinner. My Dad had all of his children play bingo to win corn bags for thier families. Jason and I won 6! They will certainly come in handy since we're trying to not turn on our heat yet! (saving that money!!) We also got to play "Ticket to Ride" and sing along with the Beatles on wii. It was a fun and long day.
It was also nice to just sit and talk to Jason on the hour drive home. We've been talking a lot about how to get him a job. No one seems to be hiring, and even when they are, Jason is "unquailified". But we'll need two paychecks coming in once our lease ends on our apartment, or we're going to be dead in the water. Jason's been taking a serious look at joining the military. We talked a lot about that. It would certainly help us with lots of benefits (including free college and a great paycheck), but at the cost of Jason being away for months at a time. But I think it will be worth it. The question then becomes, how to get him to the weight limit so he can enlist? We've been looking at gyms and diets. It's certainly going to be a challenge, but one that will pay off in the end.
Once we got home I decided I didn't want to just sit there, so I decided to sit at a movie theatre! Jason (graciously) allowed us to go see 'New Moon', since he ditched me the last weekend! His little brother just 'happened' to throw a party on the same night I had tickets. So he went to his party and I took my sister to 'New Moon'. That was fun, but it was still certainly something I wanted to share with my honey. We sat on the very front row, which wasn't too bad. I actually liked it.
I have so much to be grateful for, and this Thanksgiving has thrown that all into perspective. It's always good to count your blessings and rememeber the things we easily take for granted.
Now, bring on Christmas!!

Happy Birthday!

to me, that is!

Yup, Bonni is officially 22 years old now. Amazing how the time flies, considering I feel like I just graduated from high school! Ha!

It was a great birth-week. We celebrated the entire time. On Sunday (the 8th, my actual birthday) I got tons of birthday wishes on facebook and a "happy birthday" every half hour from my husband. Jason and I went to church in the morning. It was a wonderful gift to have a new ward, since this is the first time Jason and I have stayed for the entire block since we moved in! Everyone was really nice. I got to introduce myself in Relief Society and we even said hi to the bishop. After church it was time for a quick nap. Then over to my sisters for an early Thanksgiving dinner. That was so much fun. It made me truly realize how lucky I am to have the greatest family ever. Everyone came, there was some great food, some good jokes and some silly pictures.

On Wednesday I had a paid holiday for Veterans Day. My sisters and I all went out to Texas Roadhouse for dinner! It was so much fun to be with all the girls! I got some new Mary Kay stuff, the Richard Paul Evans book for this year, and New Moon tickets!! They know me so well. I love my sisters. :)

Then Saturday I took some time off to spend with Jason's side of the family. They took us out for a play at Hale called 'Curtains'. It was a fun mystery and it had a lot of really good jokes for anyone that's been in theater. So funny! We enjoyed a yummy dinner at Sweet Tomatoes. It was fun to visit with everyone. Then afterward Jason and I hit the town until 8pm when we went to a concert. (Jason's birthday gift) We saw the Utah Symphony perform in "Bravo Broadway". They brought in singers from Broadway to sing the parts and the symphony was of course, amazing! It was a wonderful date night out with my honey!

So a nice long week. I've been feeling better about everything going on. Sometimes we just have to live through those rough spots! School is getting better- I'm working my tail off to make sure I pass. I've decided that's all I need to ask of my education- to pass. Trying to finish up the semester on a strong note. Everything is going well. :)

I've been considering buying myself a camera for a birthday/Christmas gift to myself. Jason and I have put up our tree and I've had so many fun things happen the last few weeks-- I want to take pictures! Bandit is so cute in his little winter sweater... all those kinds of things. If only I could find one I wanted...

Difficulties

*sigh*... Where to begin?

Everything is seeming so stressful and overwhelming. But I can't pin point why. I'm just barely getting back my willingness to do school. (Thank you everyone that commented, btw. All the support certainly helps!) It still isn't easy to do, though. I haven't been as excited about work as I once was, though I was just awarded "Employee of the Month" yesterday. Even my family life is a bit, depressed. Nothing with Jason, if anything he has been my saving grace the last few days. But my birthday is coming up this weekend and trying to plan anything with my family has been stressful.

I've been kinda wanting to make the beaded watch bands that I've seen around. I've made them before at a work shop where the lady had everything and we just paid her for whatever we used. It was way fun, but to make three bands I spent over 80.00. It was a bit pricey. So for my birthday my sister wanted us to buy our own stuff and make them. So this week I went shopping. I took Amanda (Jason's little sister) with me. She likes crafty things and she wants to learn how to make the watch bands, too. I've been trying to build a relationship with her since I married Jason. She only has brothers in her family and she kinda needs a "girl outlet". I remember when I was younger what a relief my sisters were to me. I want to be that for Amanda. So we went out. She didn't have any money, of course, I never had any when I was in high school, either. I told her I would pay. Beads can't really be that much, right? Not. By the time I bought everything we needed, the beads she picked and the beads I picked, it was over 100.00. Holy crap. I had the money, so I went ahead and bought them. Then I went home and cried. Jason and I hardly ever get extra money and I know how stressed he can be about what I spend. I was lucky to have an extra paycheck in October to have a bit left over, but this certainly wasn't what I wanted to spend it all on. Jason actually shocked me by being completely fine with it. He said, "I just want you happy, Bonni." But the whole thing has still put me on edge. Now I'm not even so sure it's worth it to have them. I took back some of the beads I picked out today. I don't dare take back any of Amanda's things. I did tell her I would pay for them. I just didn't expect it to be so much.

So there's that. But it's everything else, too. Not just one situation. Everything is just piling on, piling on, and piling on. I feel buried alive.

Jason and I talked a bit today about it. Jason repeated his famous line, "I just want you happy." But followed it with, "what WOULD make you happy, Bonni? What is it that's wrong?". And that right there is just the point. Nothings wrong. I'm happily married, Jason has been more than wonderful to me. I have everything I need and a little extra. I'm going to school, working... I should be fine. I'm not feeling very pretty at the moment- I actually GAINED weight for my first week on weight watchers which totally shot my motivation there, and I've been wanting to get my hair done for a while. I've been feeling a bit frumpy. But that shouldn't been effecting me like this, should it?

I don't know. I want Cafe Rio. Comfort food. Seems like it's the only thing that helps. Even at that it helps for... a day? Maybe? And the clouds come rolling back.

What's wrong with me?!

I'm in my thinking spot.

think, think, think...

So much to think about with this crazy life I run. Jason and I have both been having some trouble staying modivated with school. I've been thinking about what the point of it all is, and to be honest I'm not so sure. Yeah, yeah, school is good and grand and pointless unless you're going to USE the degree you earn. I've been thinking about it- By the time I finish a degree in four to five years, Jason and I are going to want to start a family if we haven't already. So I won't be able to jump into the workforce. Since Jason and I were both latch-key children, we've decided that our children WON'T be that way. I would stay home if we had a baby. For quite a while, needless to say. So after all that time my knowledge in the field will be outdated, and there won't really be a place for me, if I decide to go back to work. So point of school being?... That I could support us in the case that Jason can't? True. But am I not doing that already, without the hassel of more schooling? I could be making more, sure. But this is only a worse case situation with me in work at all.

It just seems so frustrating when I have to be a full time student, truly focused on school, AND a full time employee, truly focused on my 40 hour a week job. Not to mention, wife.

So why am I doing this again?
What is it I'm trying to accomplish?
What is it I'm really wanting?

Sometimes I feel like my schooling is just to please others. My sisters, that never finished school until after they had children. My parents, Jason's parents. Everyone else in the world. But none of THEM have to do what I am. None of them have to figure out how to function all day 6 days a week at work AND school. But boy do they want me to!

It's just so much to do. So much to think about.

I don't mind going to school, or having a degree. But what I really want is a family. A chance to be at home with my children. Of course we can't start a family until Jason can support us fully on his own, which would likely require a degree. Fine. So I have some time. No worries. I'm happy to work on my PHT (Putting Hubby Through) and work. But where does me going to school fit in other than to make my life insane?

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